How to make yourself more attractive and influential?
From the first moment you walk into a room, people begin to make judgments about who you are and how much they like you. Fortunately, there are some methods that can help you improve your image in front of others.
Most of us know people who can walk into and out of a room full of strangers with at least ten new friends, a date for lunch the next day, and perhaps promise to get to know a responsible person inside an important company.
But what makes such people more able, without much effort, to be admired by others while so many of us struggle with it?
While some people make you feel that having such a social advantage, and gaining people’s love, are a kind of art, there is an amazing amount of use science to do with this.
The factors that determine our success with others, and the impressions we make of them can begin even before we meet them. Several studies have found that the people we meet often make judgments according to the way we look. Alexander Todorov, a professor of psychology at Princeton University in the United States, has shown that people make up their judgments about a person regarding how likable, trustworthy, and efficient they are, just by looking at their face for less than ten milliseconds.
“While there are things, such as dominance, that are closely related to some discursive characteristics, there are other things, such as confidence and attractiveness, that depend heavily on facial expressions,” Todorov says. Todorov has written a book entitled “The Value of the Face: The Irresistible Impact of First Impressions”, which deals with this phenomenon in detail.
Making judgments about how things look can seem rushed, but we do it all the time without realizing it. This, of course, can lead to dangerous repercussions.
For example, it might affect the person you vote for in an election. A study has shown that facial expressions can be used to predict the outcome of the US Senate election. Likewise, facial characteristics associated with factors such as strength and competence were instrumental in predicting election results for some politicians in Bulgaria, France, Mexico, and Brazil.
And judgments we make by looking at someone’s face can influence our financial decisions, too. In one experiment, people who applied for and appeared less confident loans had fewer chances of getting approval to take out those loans. The loan-granters made these judgments based on the external appearance even though they had sufficient information regarding the applicants’ jobs and their financial history.
As long as you may be able to control the physical characteristics of your face, it is possible for you to change your facial expression and smile. According to the data he collected, Todorov says that a smiling face becomes more likely to win the trust of others.
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“People realize that a smiling face is a trustworthy, social, warm and friendly face,” he adds.
Todorov believes that one of the most prominent characteristics related to these impressions is the expression of feelings. If you make your face appear more confident and open to others, that face will become happier.
And for those situations in which we did not give others first impressions as well as we had hoped, there is still a chance to acquire people in a way that makes them forget the impact of those first impressions and hasty judgments about our personalities.
If you can influence someone and leave a positive impression about your personality to them, you will make them forget what he thought about you when he saw you for the first time, Todorov says.
Put your wits in the right way
Olivia Fox Cobain, a human development coach and author of “The Charisma Myth,” defines charisma as being associated with the ability to win others’ admiration and to communicate with others with joy and courtesy.
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A likable personality can yield numerous financial and business benefits. Entrepreneurs with better social skills are more likely to be successful people, and workers who enjoy the love of those around them will have a better chance to advance in their businesses.
A study conducted at the University of Massachusetts, for example, showed that internal auditors in accounting departments, who enjoyed the love of others and provided structured and logical discussions, had better chances of persuading their managers to accept their proposals, even if managers objected to those proposals at first, and accepted See these reviewers.
Susan De Janas, a professor of management at the University of Seattle, says individual skills are becoming increasingly more important in the workplace because many organizations are tired of working with old, hierarchical business structures.
“It’s becoming more and more important to have the ability to work in a team and influence others, whether you have an important position or not,” she adds.
And one of the best things is knowing that you can train yourself to become more attractive and impressionable.
You can influence others and make a good impression on them the first second you meet them
And Jack Chaffer, a psychologist and retired FBI secret agent in the United States, notes that the late American broadcaster Johnny Carson was a typical example of someone who preferred to remain alone. But he nevertheless learned how to be as social as possible in front of the cameras
Carson, the host of the popular “Tonight Show,” had been spending years without agreeing to a single interview request. On one occasion, Carson told the Los Angeles Times that in 98 percent of his workdays he would go home right after filming for the show, instead of going out to hang out with celebrities.
“Carson was a very introverted person, but he taught himself how to be social. Once he finished his TV show, he would rush home, but nonetheless he was known on the TV screen with his broad smile, laughing and making jokes,” Chafer adds.
So what can we do to be more attractive? Chafer says attraction begins with a rapid movement of the eyebrows. “Our brains are always looking for signs of a friend or foe in our surroundings,” he adds. “So, the three things we do when approaching someone to signal that we do not pose a threat or threat include: the rapid movement of the eyebrows that lasts for about six A fraction of a second, a slight head tilt, a clear smile.
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Now you will have made a suitable entrance to the person in front of you. Experts say that the main step after that to gain the love and admiration of others is to make the conversation about the other person, which means not talking about yourself in the beginning.
“The golden rule of friendship is that if you can get people to see themselves positively, they’ll like you,” says Chaffer. But Cobain believes it will only happen if she shows a genuine interest in what they say.
Cobain adds that if you are not able to, then you have to show interest, even if it is artificial, through direct contact with the speaker’s eye, that will give the impression that you are showing interest in what he says.
Showing happiness in the face can increase your chances of winning others’ trust, some studies suggest
And Schaffer believes that it is possible to use some phrases that describe the condition of the other person, or what he seems to feel of happiness or joy, such as saying: “You seem very happy today.” And if you know a lot about the person you’re talking to, you can be more effective in opening a good conversation with them.
“Instead of direct courtesy, let people express and challenge themselves,” Schaffer adds. For example, you could say, “I heard that amazing thing happened to you, and I’d love to hear the story from you,” suggests Susan de Janas.
I am looking for things in common
De Janas also suggests emphasizing common interests, even if opinions differ on the matter you’re discussing. Attractive and influential people have a special skill in creating common spaces with the people they communicate with, even if there isn’t much to talk about.
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“When you disagree about something, try to really listen to the other person, instead of rushing to ask responses, because that’s what smart and influential people do, as studies show,” says de Janas.
And she adds, “It may seem that you completely disagree with the speaker, but when you look closely at that position, you may find little things that you agree with him in it, at least in principle.”
De Janas advises that it is always best to be up to date with current events, and to keep up to date with the latest news in your field or industry, as these are the things that many people have in common.
Follow your body language well
Another important thing with regard to attractiveness and influence is to be very careful with the body language of the person you are talking to, and it is best to mimic some of the signs of that language.
When people talk together and begin to use the same body language cues, that is a good indication that there is rapprochement between them, says Chaffer.
Psychologist and former FBI agent Chafer says American broadcaster Johnny Carson (pictured) liked loneliness, but he learned to be very social in front of the cameras.
This is also a good way to test how the conversation goes afterward, says Schaffer. If you change your position during the conversation, and then the other person changes their position like you, this often means that things are going well.
And some salespeople wait for that moment when customers start emulating them, so they can start making their offers.
A common mistake, Chafer says, is that many of us flood new friends with a torrent of personal information about themselves, which can make these friends alienate us. Instead, Schaffer advises that you provide a little bit of detail about yourself, bit by bit, so that every new piece of information is a “curious bait” and keeps others’ interest.
“You have to gradually reveal information about yourself in order to keep this new relationship alive,” says Chaffer.
And there will be situations where you need someone to like you in a quick and natural way as well. And if that is the case, Schafer has strategies that get people to answer personal questions that are directed at them. He’s the one who spent nearly 20 years working for the FBI, and his work involved getting people to reveal their confidential information.
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Some sentences such as “You look like you are 25 years old, or 30 years old,” will often push the other person to answer “Yes, I am 30 years old,” or to correct that information for you and tell you his true age.
Another way is to reveal personal information about yourself first, such as age, which will make the other person disclose to you similarly that information about himself.
And Chafer says research indicates that the faster you can get the other person to reveal some of their personal information, the faster you will be able to advance in establishing that strong relationship that you want.
But if all of these methods fail, you can simply spend more time near that person to get them to like you, even in difficult circumstances.
In the introduction to a book that has a story from the FBI, Chaffer relates a story from the FBI about a foreign spy who was being held by the United States, and Chaffer used to sit in his cell every day and read newspapers, until the fear about that man disappeared and aroused him curiosity, so he wanted to start a dialogue with Chaffer.
Chaffer adds, “In the beginning, he got close to the man, the length of time, and then that relationship gradually became closer, by leaning towards him, increasing eye contact with him, and so on.” It took several months, but in the end, Chaffer got what he wanted from that man.
So, the next time you walk into a room full of new faces, it might be you, with little effort, the person everyone wants to come get to know about.